Looking At Co-Parenting From Your Ex-Spouse’s Perspective

Therapists will tell you that you are the protagonist of your own story, and that you should think of yourself as a sympathetic character, even a heroic one.  Of course, influencers who only ask you for clicks instead of an insurance co-pay will tell you the same thing.  There is nothing wrong with thinking of your life as a heroic quest, except that, if you are a divorced parent of minor children, it is too easy to think of your former spouse as a villain in your story.  Thinking of your ex as a villain is more harmful than you think it is, for several reasons.  First, sustaining a grudge takes energy that you would be better off spending on other things.  Second, your children will notice your negative attitude toward your ex, even if you try not to show it and if you avoid saying bad things about your ex in front of your children.  The worst-case scenario is that your ex will take you to court and accuse you of alienating your children from your ex, and the court might even reduce your parenting time because of it.  The easiest way to have a peaceful, emotionally mature co-parenting relationship is to get a parenting plan that is conducive to a stable relationship with the children for both parents.  The best way to achieve this is with the help of a Birmingham child custody lawyer.

A Marriage Counseling Exercise After That Ship Has Sailed Can Improve Your Co-Parenting Relationship

Whether couples go to a marriage counselor hoping to stay together or wanting to part ways peacefully after they have decided that they want to divorce, marriage counselors often advise them to empathize with each other.  These are some questions they might ask you to help you understand how your spouse thinks and to help you see things from your spouse’s perspective:

• What are your spouse’s biggest fears?
• What are your spouse’s biggest regrets?
• Who are the people that your spouse admires the most?
• What are your spouse’s hopes for your children?
• Which experiences in your spouse’s childhood does your spouse not want your children to experience?
• What values or experiences from your spouse’s family of origin does your spouse want to pass onto your children?

Thinking about these questions, even after you divorce, can help you understand your ex’s behavior toward your children.  For example, perhaps it upsets you that your ex-husband insists that your son play team sports, when your son does not seem enthusiastic about it.  Instead of accusing your ex of being controlling or obsessed with status, consider that neither your ex nor your son has any brothers, and when your ex was a child, team sports helped him find friendship and community with other boys.  Empathizing does not always mean agreeing, but it means treating each other fairly.

Contact Peeples Law About Co-Parenting Peaceful

A Birmingham family law attorney can help you draft a parenting plan that enables you to think clearly about your family relationships.  Contact Peeples Law today to schedule a consultation.

Source:

cnbc.com/2025/02/16/psychologist-says-couples-who-can-answer-these-questions-correctly-have-stronger-relationships-than-most.html